BETA day

9  very long days ago we transferred 1 of our 9 embryos which made it to 5 day blasts.  We were fortunate enought to have 8 good to excellent quality embryos sent to the freezer, as we opted to do a selective single embryo transfer, as instructed by our fertility doctor.

Today, feels like it could drag on forever.  I had my blood drawn at 7am and we are waiting for the results, but I already know in the depths of my heart our transfer was unsuccessful.  It is so strange to feel such an immense attachment to this little being, and while not ever being pregnant, I still feel this overwhelming sense of loss.  It is just a deep emptiness, almost a numbness.

I have already begun my grieving process and have started to turn the corner from anger to acceptance, however what seems most painful is watching your partner grieve.  We grieve and heal so differently and at different paces, but this is the most heartbreaking feeling where no words can give it justice.

So, we will pick up the pieces of our hearts and muster the strength to move forward. One day at a time and continue to stand in hope and believe in faith!

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Life Lately

Our IVF cycle is starting to turn 3rd base and we are sprinting toward home base!  Last week we had our egg retrieval on Friday and since it has been the craziest rollar coaster ride.  I expected IVF to be emotional and I though ceasing hormone injections would help decrease the crazy, but I was oh so wrong!

Post egg retrieval you go into this pattern of waiting.  Waiting to see how many eggs were retrieved, waiting to see how many eggs are viable, waiting for the fertilization report, waiting for your ovaries to feel normal again, waiting for the bloating to die down, waiting for embryo updates, etc.

In addition to waiting on EVERYTHING, you also begin progesterone.  This is no joke!!! I will be sobbing out of control, then be immediately happy, then tired, then starving, then irritable.  It is like your PMS symptoms on steroids.  My poor husband; I really do feel bad for him right now more than ever.

While we are still waiting for transfer and a Day 5 update, followed by the intimidating 2ww. (2 week wait to find out if it worked), we have certainly learned this is a statistics game.  Higher top numbers, typically mean higher embryos that are good to transfer.  I support the skates function at my job, and they are always talking about a funnel for metrics.  This is the same thing.  Who knew those nut cases actually had a value add to my life without even knowing about it!! That being said, we like to shake it up in our house and are basically doing everything off of the bell curve.

The average cycle consists of 10 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 4 day 3 good quality embryos and 2 day 5 blasts.

Currently we stand at 21 eggs retrieved, 15 mature, 11 fertilized and 8 day 3 good quality embryos.  Most declination happens between day 3 and day 5 so I am a nervous wreck. But what is crazy is when we initially got our fertilization report only 9 had fertilized (que pity party), this morning another 2 had, they were just late to the party! I was so excited!!!

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Our final injection(trigger shot) and my egg retrevial

I am sure I will be posting and rambling post transfer but today, I am emotionally shot.  I wanted to wrap up by certainly giving glory to God.  He is so good to us, and has blessed us in this process beyond measure.  And for those who have stood with us in hope and faith and prayed for our embabies before they even existed, my sincerest thanks.

Mock Up

Today was our first visit with our fertility doctor since starting our IVF cycle, and was quite a bit to take in.  We had some basic injection training and timelines given to us.  They measured my follicles (future eggs) and lining and then we had our mock embryo transfer.  It was so cool and really encouraging to see it happen in real time on the screen, but was also uncomfortable.  Luckily come real transfer day, I’ll be high as a kite!

Also, be warned the ET process requires a full bladder and I literally felt like I was going to pee on our doctor which was the worst part!!!

We start our lupron injections tomorrow. I am totally nervous and beyond excited.  It feels so real that in 5 weeks we may be pregnant!

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In the words of our ever so serious RE…let’s make some babies!

 

The Great Debate

Given this time of year, I know most of you must assume this post is somehow related to these two nut jobs..

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But, it’s not! It is actually concerning the great debate between myself, my husband and our fertility doctor, who might as well be family at this point.   We need to decide if we plan to transfer a single embryo or two.  Under no circumstance will we transfer more than two.  This is causing me major anxiety, and I’m asking for help and advice from those who have been thru IVF before.

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If we transfer a single embryo, and achieve pregnancy, then it is a win all the way around.  However, this gives us a 42% success rate and this shit is expensive!  And time consuming!!!  If we transfer 2 embryos, our success rate bumps up to 65%, which is great but then there is the concern of a twin pregnancy.  Oh, and have you heard of embryos splitting, while rare it does happen creating an identical twin set like with this family or this family.  Both are precious families and blogs I feel encouraged by, but wow…it seems scary!

Enough rambling, any advice?!?!?!?!?

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IVF or Bust!

We have big news!!! We have officially received our diagnosis; we have “unexplained infertility.”  This is a medical term people!!! Also known as we don’t know what’s wrong with you, but something is clearly wrong. Therefore, we will begin our first round of IVF treatments in a few short days.  I have never experienced such a severe mix of emotions: excitement for baby but utter and complete fear of the pending injections, procedures and hormones.  I’ll be sharing more details as we start our month long journey!

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600

Today marks the 600th day of our fertility journey and like all the others, it is filled with the highs of hope and the lows of uncertainty. But, I am excited to say that as of next week we are officially moving from the diagnostic phase into the treatment phase!!! Last week I had my ovarian cyst removed (OUCH), and hysteroscopy preformed.  Alls good!! It was also my first experience with heavy pain medication.  One of my favorite outcomes relayed by my husband… NURSE: how do you feel? ME: like I did 500 sit ups, but we all know that didn’t happen.  Classy, I know!

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On a positive note, our next appointment is Aug. 8th, where we will firm up our treatment plan given my cycles regulate (TMI?) and also after surgery no one can judge you for eating 15 popcicles a day! :).

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Baby Spoon

 

My First Infertility Melt Down

We had our second appointment with the Reproductive Endrocinologist last Friday for the dreaded HSG test.  For those of you who are not familiar, this is a test where dye is inserted into your uterus and pumped into your Fallopian tubes, followed by a series of X Rays, to insure your tubes are open and the sperm can reach the egg.  As with most things, I like to feel well prepared in  advance, so I did the absolute worse thing I could do…I googled it!  I can’t even describe to you the horrific stories and experiences I read about!!!

Needless to say, when I arrived at the doctor’s offices I was a nervous wreck. The nurse tried to comfort me and Eric worked his best to provide support.  When Dr. Kevin arrived to preform the procedure, he also provided me a needed lecture on why I should not be reading online and then got right to it.  I literally felt the tiniest pinch of the needle numbing my cervix, which felt more like a mosquito bite and nothing else.  I braced myself for the dye, but when I asked him how long it would take, he slid his chair out and said he was finished.  Literally I felt NOTHING!!!

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So for all you ladies, prepping for this test and scouring the web for more info about the HSG test …here it is, take aways from my HSG experience. 1) My tubes are 100% clear. 2)A good doctor is worth every penny.  3) Surrender your iPad to your husband before any future medical procedures!!!