IVF Continued & Halloween Happenings

Well, as expected our first fresh IVF cycle did not result in a successful pregnancy.  It did however yield us 8 high quality embryos, which I already adore beyond reason.  The heart is an unusual thing, and attachments formed stronger then I could have ever imagined even though they are have never been inside my body.  It truly is miraculous and magnificent to feel that level of deep love.  Every women should experience this.

After our loss, we slowly and painfully picked up the pieces of our hearts and begin pushing forward towards our fist frozen embryo transfer.  Like most infertility journeys, even the best laid out plan always consists of snags.  Our RE was out of the country for the entire month of October, but luckily our clinic is comprised of a husband wife team, so who better then to transfer our little angel then our RE’s wife…I mean they might as well be family.  We scheduled for 10/28.  Unfortunately, my insurance delayed us by a week, then I needed to travel for work the following week.  We finally landed the date of 11/11 and low and behold I went in to have my endo lining check and now we are out another week with a scheduled transfer of 11/18.  I jokingly told my husband, if we get pushed back another week to Black Friday, I wonder if they will give us a sale price (winking smiley)!

So this Sunday we will confirm a date, and begin the dreaded PIO shots.  Those needles are longer then my fingers.  Holy shit, I’m super scared but I know it will be worth it!

On a lighter note, Halloween in our new hood was SO MUCH FUN!  We took Beefcake to the pumpkin patch to pick out a pumpkin,  you know where most people take their children. I carved that thing like a pro and it was HUGE.  Eric dressed up in a mask and scared children, while me and the dog had a blast passing out candy and dancing to Thriller!  We also got to decorate for the first time and I loved every single minute of it. Until next year cob webs…

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Life Lately

Our IVF cycle is starting to turn 3rd base and we are sprinting toward home base!  Last week we had our egg retrieval on Friday and since it has been the craziest rollar coaster ride.  I expected IVF to be emotional and I though ceasing hormone injections would help decrease the crazy, but I was oh so wrong!

Post egg retrieval you go into this pattern of waiting.  Waiting to see how many eggs were retrieved, waiting to see how many eggs are viable, waiting for the fertilization report, waiting for your ovaries to feel normal again, waiting for the bloating to die down, waiting for embryo updates, etc.

In addition to waiting on EVERYTHING, you also begin progesterone.  This is no joke!!! I will be sobbing out of control, then be immediately happy, then tired, then starving, then irritable.  It is like your PMS symptoms on steroids.  My poor husband; I really do feel bad for him right now more than ever.

While we are still waiting for transfer and a Day 5 update, followed by the intimidating 2ww. (2 week wait to find out if it worked), we have certainly learned this is a statistics game.  Higher top numbers, typically mean higher embryos that are good to transfer.  I support the skates function at my job, and they are always talking about a funnel for metrics.  This is the same thing.  Who knew those nut cases actually had a value add to my life without even knowing about it!! That being said, we like to shake it up in our house and are basically doing everything off of the bell curve.

The average cycle consists of 10 eggs retrieved, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 4 day 3 good quality embryos and 2 day 5 blasts.

Currently we stand at 21 eggs retrieved, 15 mature, 11 fertilized and 8 day 3 good quality embryos.  Most declination happens between day 3 and day 5 so I am a nervous wreck. But what is crazy is when we initially got our fertilization report only 9 had fertilized (que pity party), this morning another 2 had, they were just late to the party! I was so excited!!!

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Our final injection(trigger shot) and my egg retrevial

I am sure I will be posting and rambling post transfer but today, I am emotionally shot.  I wanted to wrap up by certainly giving glory to God.  He is so good to us, and has blessed us in this process beyond measure.  And for those who have stood with us in hope and faith and prayed for our embabies before they even existed, my sincerest thanks.

Holy Drugs!

So today is day one of our IVF cycle, which feels like every other normal day, except I started birth control, which blows my mind.  It seems counter productive right?  Like we want to get pregnant, not prevent pregnancy! But, I am following everything the doctor says to the tee.  However, I wanted to share the current state of my kitchen and what is to come…

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CRAZY!!! I was shocked when my meds started arriving.  Completely and totally intimidated…and excited.  Pretty much I feel ridiculously conflicted, all day, every day.

I also picked up some of the cutest gender neutral goodies at Target this weekend.

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Baby Gear

Like I said, feeling crazy!  For all the TTC ladies out there…sending hope & baby dust!

 

 

600

Today marks the 600th day of our fertility journey and like all the others, it is filled with the highs of hope and the lows of uncertainty. But, I am excited to say that as of next week we are officially moving from the diagnostic phase into the treatment phase!!! Last week I had my ovarian cyst removed (OUCH), and hysteroscopy preformed.  Alls good!! It was also my first experience with heavy pain medication.  One of my favorite outcomes relayed by my husband… NURSE: how do you feel? ME: like I did 500 sit ups, but we all know that didn’t happen.  Classy, I know!

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On a positive note, our next appointment is Aug. 8th, where we will firm up our treatment plan given my cycles regulate (TMI?) and also after surgery no one can judge you for eating 15 popcicles a day! :).

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Baby Spoon

 

Another Bump in the Road

It has been a while since my last update, and honestly I have been feeling totally and completely defeated.  During our original vist to the RE, Dr. Kevin identified a cyst on my left ovary.  He scheduled an appointment three weeks out and let us know that most cysts are a result of failed ovulation and most often resolve themselves.  Unfortunately, at our follow up appointment last week, we found out my cyst had not grown, which is good, but it also is not any smaller which is VERY bad.  It was beyond obvious that he was totally surprised.  My cyst is just over 5 cm (blueberry sized), which I thought seemed small, but on an almond sized ovary makes it a little scarier.

We go back for an additional follow up appointment on July 15. If no progress has been made, I will need to have it surgically removed, which adds additional months to our timeline and quite frankly breaks my heart.  I anticipated that this journey would not be seamless, but putting treatment on hold after already trying for 566 days, is beyond frustrating.

However, enough of my negativity, at least we have an action plan and we still have the hope of success, which is a blessing in itself as I know many couples would gladly trade places. So, our journey continues, one day at a time.

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We have started taking selfies in the car each time we visit the RE’s office.

My First Infertility Melt Down

We had our second appointment with the Reproductive Endrocinologist last Friday for the dreaded HSG test.  For those of you who are not familiar, this is a test where dye is inserted into your uterus and pumped into your Fallopian tubes, followed by a series of X Rays, to insure your tubes are open and the sperm can reach the egg.  As with most things, I like to feel well prepared in  advance, so I did the absolute worse thing I could do…I googled it!  I can’t even describe to you the horrific stories and experiences I read about!!!

Needless to say, when I arrived at the doctor’s offices I was a nervous wreck. The nurse tried to comfort me and Eric worked his best to provide support.  When Dr. Kevin arrived to preform the procedure, he also provided me a needed lecture on why I should not be reading online and then got right to it.  I literally felt the tiniest pinch of the needle numbing my cervix, which felt more like a mosquito bite and nothing else.  I braced myself for the dye, but when I asked him how long it would take, he slid his chair out and said he was finished.  Literally I felt NOTHING!!!

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So for all you ladies, prepping for this test and scouring the web for more info about the HSG test …here it is, take aways from my HSG experience. 1) My tubes are 100% clear. 2)A good doctor is worth every penny.  3) Surrender your iPad to your husband before any future medical procedures!!!

 

1 in 8

Infertility affects one in eight couple trying to conceive…hello, I am part of the one!  Where to begin?  I never saw myself as the nurturing type and was not overly concerned with babies or starting a family until around my 28th birthday, and boom it hit.  It was like someone flipped a switch inside and it began to consume my thoughts.  Of course, being a planner by nature, I began getting all my ducks in line to present the best possible environment, financial situation and home to welcome baby.  You can read about it here .  Obviously, it has not gone to plan.  June 1st marked 18 months of no success, and June 2nd marked our first visit to the Reproductive Endrologist.

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Dress (currently 40% off)

Talk about nerves!!!  Blood test, dye tests, DNA analysis, sonograms, etc.  The hunt is certainly on and I had no idea the emotional toll or financial implications of all the testing before we even begin our actual treatment plan.  I have 3 more tests before our next appointment on June 23, where hopefully we will receive a diagnosis and firm treatment plan.

Along the way, we started collecting children’s books with written sentiments inside, so our children will know they were loved and prayed for before they were in existence.

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I plan to document our journey, the medical jargon, emotional outburst, etc. There is comfort in numbers, so instead of being 1 in 8, I like to think of myself as part of the 39.87 million people affected by infertility in American.

Remaining Hopeful!